


Expressions

by KJMusings



Category: Legend of the Seeker
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 19:43:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6821536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KJMusings/pseuds/KJMusings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing could shake Kahlan’s thirst for vengeance except the sight of that one wretched tear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One Tear

**Author's Note:**

> This story was spurred by the episode Broken and that beautiful tragic tear on Cara's face and as I watched other clips it became so easy to see how Kahlan's feelings changed with each expression Cara allowed herself to reveal.

One tear. Just one sad little tear turned Kahlan Amnell’s world upside down and everything she’d ever known or believed had been irreversibly altered.

Kahlan had gone to Stowecroft with the sole purpose of confessing Cara Mason, the Mord’Sith who had killed her sister and every Confessor except Kahlan. She had come so close to having her vengeance the moment Cara casually revealed what she’d done but to Kahlan’s disappointment, Richard had stopped her only to interfere again once the villagers of Stowecroft had imprisoned her. Instead of allowing Kahlan and the people of the village their justice, he convinced them to allow a trial where Cara would be allowed to defend herself and her despicable actions. Kahlan had begrudgingly agreed to sit in judgment only because she knew nothing that woman could say would sway her from her mission; to rid the world of one more monster.

So she listened and her rage simmered as Richard defended the life of a soulless woman while Cara said nothing on her behalf. She simply stood there, staring at Kahlan almost as if the proceedings were boring her and Kahlan’s fingers positively itched to wrap around her neck until a woman Kahlan was startled to learn was Cara’s sister, stood to speak on her behalf.

As Grace spoke of the Cara she had once known, Kahlan became irritated to find her rage subsiding as she listened to the appalling story of how a nine-year-old Cara, a girl so innocent she refused to even kill a fish, had been stolen from her family and brutalized until she became the unfeeling killer puppet of Darken Rahl. Even then Cara said nothing and showed no reaction to her sisters words. Not until Grace mentioned the loss of their father. To the shock of all, including Kahlan, Cara had finally spoken and it was to tell her sister almost proudly how she had killed their bastard of a father. The crowd gasped, Grace sobbed and Kahlan felt a twisted since of victory as the blonde had just proven how evil she was, but even then Richard refused to give up on Cara and continued to push her for an explanation, going so far as to use his bond as Rahl to force her to speak.

Cara announced almost indifferently that she killed her father because he had sold her to the Mord’Sith. She looked into the crowd almost smugly as she revealed that the Mord’Sith who had bought her was in fact the woman who’d been teaching the village children for years.

Kahlan was almost numb by this point and was unable to say anything as the woman now known as Nathair was put into chains beside Cara. She admitted with a sickening pride that she had been the one to train Cara. She had taught her everything and helped her to become strong.

Kahlan sneered at the woman from her seat. She knew well what was involved in ‘training’ a Mord’Sith and to know what sort of torture had been performed on an innocent 9-year-old girl horrified her and she easily agreed to the villagers vote for confession, but that wasn’t the end of it. Once confessed, Nathair had much more to say about Cara and Kahlan had been sickened to the point of nearly losing her breakfast as she listened to the woman who had broken Cara, tell a horrifying tale of a betrayal so vile Kahlan had trouble comprehending it.

Nathair wept as she told them that she had convinced Cara her father had betrayed her in order to stir the anger and hate inside of the young girl. It was that revelation which had pushed Cara into the darkness and convinced her the Mord’Sith would be her true family, nursing her thirst for vengeance. Once she had so eagerly killed her father, Cara’s breaking had been complete. But as Nathair revealed, it had been a lie. Cara’s father had fought his captors for weeks, enduring endless beatings. He had endured endless hours of torture and had his throat burned so he couldn’t deny the accusation leaving Cara to believe he had betrayed her in the worst way possible. And all the while Kahlan listened in horror she could see the dawning realization of what she had done on Cara’s face.

Still, despite the sorrow she felt for the girl Cara had once been, it didn’t erase what she did. It didn’t change the fact she was a remorseless killer and while the rage had all but vanished, she had the people of the village loudly reminding her of her duty and that she’d agreed to abide by their verdict which was to confess Cara. With a reluctance that she hadn’t felt before, she stepped in front of Cara whose head was bowed.

“Confess me,” Cara whispered. “I deserve it.”

The softly spoken words, a plea really, caused an ache in Kahlan she couldn’t explain. She heard the cries of the crowd calling for blood but she had stopped listening. All that she knew was the blonde in front of her was dealing with a despicable truth that Kahlan could never hope to understand. She lifted her unexpectedly shaking hand and wrapped it around Cara’s throat, shocked to feel the rapid heartbeat beneath her fingers. Cara lifted her face and met Kahlan’s eyes and everything stopped. Cara’s face still held no expression as she waited for death but her eyes were filled with such bleak despair they were almost back and then Kahlan saw it. A lone tear slipped down Cara’s cheek and Kahlan almost gasped at the shock of it. She’d seen so many sad and horrible things but this…this tear on Cara’s cheek struck her just as hard as any of those things. She had never in her life seen regret, remorse and self-hatred more clearly expressed than she did at that moment and against her will, it broke her heart.

“I can’t,” she muttered, knowing she was betraying her sister and the other confessors but she just couldn’t do it. That one little droplet was the mirror that showed Kahlan the innocent still trapped inside leather, pain and torture and she knew that damned tear would haunt her dreams for endless nights to come. Fortunately, at that moment the villagers chose to try and kill Cara themselves so she was diverted from her thoughts for a while and allowed to vent the anger and torment that was still swirling inside of her.

When it was over, Kahlan, Richard and Zedd had argued about Cara for what seemed like hours. Kahlan had not wanted Cara along. Despite the unwanted sympathy she held for the former Mord’Sith, she didn’t want the permanent reminder of the loss of her sister. Eventually Richard had convinced her that Cara was necessary for their quest so together they went to the home where Cara had been staying, her old family home and Kahlan didn’t even want to contemplate how painful that must have been.

She had approached Cara, somewhat bemused to notice Cara looking as if the previous day hadn’t happened. Before, Kahlan would have just seen that as further evidence that Cara Mason had no heart but it was too late. She had seen the truth and Cara’s broken spirit in that one single tear and it left her torn but no matter the past, Kahlan would not let herself forget who Cara Mason was now, what she’d done and what she was capable of. Unfortunately, that aspect of Cara also made her the best protector possible for the Seeker.

With a gnawing in her gut that she couldn’t explain, Kahlan coldly told Cara that she would never forgive her, but she reluctantly admitted that should something happen to her, Richard would need Cara’s protection and before she could change her mind she walked away without seeing if the blonde followed, but inside she knew she did. She could almost feel the green eyes burning through her dress and she suddenly feared this woman was destined to change her life, one way or another. All because of one stupid, sad and heartbreaking tear.


	2. One Scream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kahlan finally sees just how wrong she was about Cara's lack of feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cara is such a proud stoic woman, but it was clear to me that the pain of realizing what she'd done, especially with Kahlan throwing it in her face, she would have to release that pain one way or another just to move on.

One Scream

It had been three weeks since Kahlan Amnell had spared the life of her sister’s murderer Cara Mason. Three weeks since said murderer had joined her, Richard and the wizard Zedd in their quest for the Stone of Tears. There were times just the sight of the former Mord’Sith made her physically ill as she thought about the atrocities she’d committed in the name of her master, but almost instantly that disgust was overshadowed by the image of the haunted look in the once expressionless eyes and the single tear slipping down her cheek and that made Kahlan angry. She did _not_ want to feel sympathy for a monster and so she had very little to say to their unwelcome companion that wasn’t insulting and it just angered her more when Cara refused to acknowledge it.

Now she followed behind the others, unwilling to have the Mord’Sith behind her. The fact that Cara didn’t seem to notice or care about her distrust only served to aggravate Kahlan further and she found herself making snide comments to the blonde just trying to get a response or any sign that the emotion she had witnessed hadn’t been a hallucination or another Mord’Sith trick.

Cara had felt the hostile eyes burning a hole through her back for days. She had mostly ignored it, knowing that had their positions been reversed, she would have been far less…’forgiving’ and believing that the opinion of a Confessor was irrelevant. However, as it had become clear that the Mother Confessor had no plans to act on her hostility, the looks and insults were pointless and becoming quite tedious to one who was already struggling with controlling the emotions that had been ripped from her in Stowecroft. Still, she remained silent and merely waited for the next baiting comment, taking a perverse pleasure in knowing her failure to respond irritated the other woman.

“It’s really that easy for you isn’t it?” Kahlan finally asked, unable to contain her anger any longer.

The cold tone of the Mother Confessor’s voice made it clear to Cara that she was talking to her.

“What?” she asked casually, not even bothering to look at the antagonistic woman behind her.

Kahlan gritted her teeth as the infuriating woman refused to acknowledge her. “Everything that happened yesterday, learning that the man you murdered, your father, was innocent, you can just forget about it after a good night’s sleep?”

Cara’s steps faltered at that and Kahlan found herself less triumphant about drawing a response than she had expected.

“Yes,” Cara answered after a long, awkward pause.

“I thought so,” Kahlan scoffed. “I mean what’s one more innocent death in your already long list right?” Kahlan actually flinched as she heard the horribly cruel words leaving her mouth but she simply couldn’t help herself. To her surprise, she realized she’d actually nearly caught up to the Mord’Sith, close enough to catch a glimpse of her face and she saw the fierce clenching of a strong jaw. She finally knew she was a lot closer to getting a response than she thought and it would be more of one than she would be able to handle. She prudently decided to fall back, smugly assuming she’d made her point.

“Well said Mother Confessor,” Cara replied dully. “You truly would have made an excellent Mord’Sith.” With that, Cara increased her pace so that she passed a startled Richard and Zedd and took the lead, leaving Kahlan to stew in the resentment of the shame she was feeling.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

“ _You’re pathetic,” Kahlan sneered, running her eyes derisively over Cara. “You claim to be a great and fearsome Mord’Sith, yet look how easily you were defeated and abandoned by your own sisters. You weren’t even worth an honorable death. And how easily you wept at your trial, like a pathetic little girl.”_

“ _That’s not…” Cara tried to protest but Kahlan’s hand was around her throat._

“ _You were a mindless tool for Darken Rahl, now you’re a mindless tool for Richard, obeying his every command like a whipped puppy. You have no purpose in this world except to say ‘yes master’,” Kahlan scoffed nastily. “I should have killed you. The fact that you still draw breath is an abomination. It is an insult to my sister, to me and to the memory of your father.”_

“ _Then kill me,” Cara hissed, fighting the pain that stabbed at her with every venomous word._

“ _Are you begging Cara?” Kahlan’s lips lifted in a smile far more unpleasant than even Denna’s. “Are you begging like your father wanted to beg you not to kill him? Like my sister and the other confessors begged you? Like every single innocent person you’ve tortured and killed begged for their life?”_

“ _I don’t beg,” Cara retorted, trying to sound indifferent and hating the tremor in her voice that slipped through_

“ _No. You just weep like a weak little girl,” Kahlan snorted. “I’m not going to kill you,” she continued smugly. “Watching you live with the fact you killed your father for nothing more than a lie is far better vengeance than I could have ever imagined.”_

“KILL ME AND BE DONE WITH IT MOTHER CONFESSOR!”

Cara jerked awake at the shout, blinking furiously to clear her head before she realized the shout had come from her. She looked around the fire and saw Richard and Zedd staring at her with shock and even more unbearably, pity. Then her eyes landed on Kahlan and an unfamiliar ache twisted in her gut at the unreadable expression on the Confessor’s face.

“Cara, are you alright?” Richard asked kindly.

“I’m fine,” she said coldly, grabbing her agiels in a desperate hope of regaining her composure. She quickly got to her feet, memories of Nathair revealing the truth as she lay dying from Confession, the echoes of dream Kahlan’s malicious accusations, the remembered visions of her father’s weeping face all swirled wildly in her mind and threatened to drive her mad.

“I’m going to check the woods,” she snapped shortly.

“Cara,” Kahlan called after her. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to say, but hearing Cara screaming for the Mother Confessor to kill her had shaken her.

She had not forgotten Cara’s broken expression when she learned the truth about her father and she couldn’t even begin to imagine what was going through Cara’s mind. Instantly she knew it had been her earlier taunts that had caused the nightmare and she felt ill, knowing she had willingly inflicted torment on another person. Whatever Cara had done after she became a Mord’Sith, Kahlan should have never used her father against her. She had only been a child, stolen from her family, tortured and left to the rats until she had become crazed to the point where killing the little beasts eased her mind and then she had been told the man she had adored above all others had sold her to the women who hurt her. Her mind had not been her own at that point and Kahlan could only imagine what she would do had it happened to her. Sighing, she got to her feet.

“I’ll go talk to her,” Kahlan told the still bemused men and followed after Cara, wondering if she was going to get an agiel in the chest for her effort.

It didn’t take her long to find the aloof young woman. She was standing stiffly in a small clearing, agiels in both hands and clearly hoping for someone to fight.

“Cara,” she said quietly, knowing better than to sneak up on a Mord’Sith. Particularly one who was more agitated than normal.

“What?” Cara said shortly. So many other replies sprung to mind, but she refused to give the Confessor any more satisfaction than she had already.

“Are you alright?” Kahlan asked softly from behind her, unwilling to approach the dangerous woman.

“I’m fine,” she replied shortly. There was anger in Cara’s voice but Kahlan heard something else. There was a raspiness that told her more than anything that this ‘unfeeling monster’ was holding on to her emotions by a very thin and frayed thread.

“I’m sorry for what I said earlier,” Kahlan offered.

“Care to be more specific?” Cara retorted.

Kahlan sighed, not surprised the blonde was making this difficult. “All of it I suppose, but mostly what I said about your father. It wasn’t right and…”

“If I accept your apology, will you leave me in peace?”

Kahlan fought her instinctive irritation. “Forget it,” she muttered and returned to camp cursing the day they stumbled on the abandoned, beaten woman.

She returned to her bedroll, irritated and confused. As a Confessor, she always talked about compassion and forgiveness, but the Mord’Sith had no compassion when she killed the innocent. She had no mercy, no forgiveness. She had no feelings except those she was ordered to have. Or so Kahlan thought. The tear she’d seen, the clenched jaw in reaction to Kahlan’s taunts, the raspy sound of impending tears went against everything she had been led to believe.

“Is Cara alright?” Richard asked sleepily.

Part of Kahlan, the part that cried out for justice, demanded to know why he was so protective of a woman who had hurt her so, but the part of her who had been raised to know that things were not always as they seemed, refused to go down that road.

“She’s fine,” she lied.

Just then a terrifying primal scream broke the night silence.

“That came from the direction Cara walked in,” Richard said with alarm as he drew his sword.

Kahlan, pulled her daggers as they ran into the woods, prepared for battle. What they saw froze them all in mid stride. Shock left them temporarily unable to move as they approached Cara from behind and saw her standing alone with an agiel pressed against her throat.

Kahlan stared in horrified awe as the scream of the agiel blended with Cara’s wail of what could have been anguish, fury or pain. It was most likely all three and Kahlan realized with a sickening knot growing in her stomach that the agiel was placed exactly where her hand had once rested.

Kahlan was about to call out to her but something told her that if Cara knew there were witnesses to her emotional breakdown, it would send her so far back into her old persona she would be of no use to Richard or anyone. She quickly turned to Richard and Zedd with a finger to her lips, shaking her head before they could say anything. She made a gesture and the three of them returned to the camp each shaken by what they’d just witnessed but relieved the screams had finally stopped.

“Why didn’t you let me stop her?” Richard asked, with a rare touch of accusation in his voice.

“It’s not what you think,” Kahlan said, hurt by his tone but not blaming him for it. “It pains me to admit it, but that was just as hard for me to see as it was for you, however do you really think she would like to know we witnessed that?”

“She’s right Richard,” Zedd agreed. He had no fondness for the Mord’Sith but knowing her past and having seen such a raw, painful outburst from the proud, stoic woman was awful for even him to see. “For a Mord’Sith, to know we had seen such a display would destroy her more than confession.”

“She was torturing herself,” Richard argued. “She could kill herself with that agiel.”

Kahlan shook her head. She didn’t know Cara Mason besides what she’d learned in Stowecroft but she knew Mord’Sith. “She won’t. There is no honor in killing herself, especially because her emotions overwhelmed her, but pain… pain will rid her of those emotions and give her back control.”

“But why her throat? That had to be unbearable.”

“Because I didn’t confess her,” Kahlan replied, guilt once more flaring inside of her. “I think the agiel to her throat was a substitute.”

“I should have seen that the trial had affected her more than she let on,” Richard said guiltily. “This is my fault for dredging up a past she didn’t want to remember.”

“No Richard,” Kahlan sighed and looked away in shame. “This is my fault. Even though I did see remorse in her eyes at the trial, I can’t forget that she killed my sister. Every time I look at her…well let’s just say I’ve been making my opinion of her quite clear since we left Stowecroft and I was less than kind about what happened with her father.”

“Kahlan, that’s not like you,” Zedd chided gently in surprise.

“I know,” Kahlan exclaimed tiredly. “I just…I can’t get past it. I can’t forget what she did. I won’t. She killed my sister and forced Denee to kill her child. She killed my sister Confessors. How can I just ignore that?”

“You can’t,” Cara interrupted tonelessly, startling the other three members of the group. “I’ll take watch,” she said not looking at any of them.

“Cara,” Kahlan started but then paused, having absolutely no idea what to say. An apology was out of the question but the memory of Cara’s nightmare and her pitiable scream ate at her, just as much as the little tear.

Richard looked at Cara, desperate to try and ease some of the pain he knew she must be feeling but her very stiffness shouted to leave her alone so he would. She’d had enough people force their will on her.

“Goodnight Cara,” he sighed, not surprised when he received no response. “Wake me when it’s my watch.” He heard a grunt in reply and suspected she would do no such thing. Shaking his head, he said goodnight to the others and lay down in his own bedroll.

It didn’t take long before Kahlan heard the not so gentle snoring coming from Zedd and Richard which left her alone with Cara and her own thoughts. Neither was a pleasant option for her but sleep wouldn’t come either. She lay near the fire, back deliberately turned away from Cara knowing that she did so more out of courtesy for Cara’s privacy than any lingering malice and that increased her frustration tenfold. She was desperate to hold onto her hatred of the Mord’Sith. She owed it to her sister, to the other confessor’s who’d lost their lives for no other reason than it had been ordered by a monster. She felt it was a betrayal to all of them that her hatred and desire for revenge was fading, to be replaced by a reluctant understanding and pity for not just Cara but all the Mord’Sith who were once young girls whose innocence had been twisted and perverted into mindless killers. Still, it was the blonde who was tugging the hardest at her emotional strings and she wasn’t sure if she could bear it.

  


 

  


  


  


  


  



	3. One Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A smile can melt the hardest of hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In order to work with what I had in mind for the path leading to Kahlan’s developing affections for Cara, I’m pretending that Extinction took place earlier in the season and prior to Desecration and their talk in the tomb. Basically I rearranged everything and left out people and events that didn't fit my plan. Please forgive the altering of the time line. I’m also ignoring several aspects of Extinction. This is all about that one beautiful, heart wrenching smile and Kahlan’s reaction when she saw it.

It had been three weeks since Cara had joined their quest and since then Kahlan had discovered her sister was alive, even if in a different body. She’d been torn to learn she’d been brought back by the Mord’Sith to kill Cara and horrified at how eager Denee had been to do it. She knew her sister had cause to want the blonde dead, but if she thought about it which she tried not to, the parallels between Cara’s actions and Denee’s were disturbing. Both women were created by the Mord’Sith. Both women were sent to kill each other on the orders of the Mord’Sith or their master Darken Rahl. It shifted something inside Kahlan to realize it and she had stopped her sister from carrying out her orders and it was only the fear of losing her sister once more that kept her from reminding Denee that Cara hadn’t been the one to kill her child. Denee had made that choice and it had only been by Richard’s interference that she and Kahlan hadn’t killed him themselves by tradition long before Cara showed up.

Between that and the haunting memories of Cara’s nightmare and the painful anguished cry, Kahlan’s anger had faded and she had found herself studying the strange woman instead of glaring at her. Fighting beside the formidable woman had proven to be exhilarating in a way Kahlan hadn’t expected. She had been expecting the fierceness, but there was an almost hypnotic sensuality in her movements that had surprised and fascinated her, even more so because Cara either wasn’t aware of it or simply didn’t care.

Cara had even started talking more, though whether that was out of any true desire for conversation or to appease Richard, Kahlan didn’t know, but she had found herself striking up conversations with her and while it was like pulling teeth most of the time, Kahlan had been able to see hints of the wit and compassion that had only been buried, not stripped from her. And Kahlan had discovered a sort of gentle amusement every time Cara offered a resigned sigh before ultimately doing as Kahlan suggested.

Kahlan’s heart had softened toward their newest companion and for the first time since the flicker of sympathy she’d felt for Cara in Stowecroft, she didn’t feel guilty about it. Cara had proven her loyalty to Richard, she’d put herself in danger repeatedly to save Kahlan and even Zedd and Kahlan couldn’t find it in herself to hold on to her resentment. Now she was more curious than anything. Cara clung to her Mord’Sith training as if it were the only thing keeping her from drowning, but Kahlan saw the cracks and she couldn’t help but notice those cracks almost inevitably appeared after Kahlan and Richard had their private moments.

“Is there any particular reason you keep staring at me?”

Kahlan jumped at the unexpected voice breaking into her thoughts. “I’m not staring Cara,” she muttered in embarrassment. “Besides, unless you have eyes in the back of your head, how do you know what I’m looking at?”

To her surprise, Cara turned and offered a smirk that was actually amused instead of irritated. “You aren’t as subtle as you believe,” she shrugged.

“Oh. Well I’m not staring,” Kahlan retorted.

“If you say so,” Cara replied, clearly not believing her and Kahlan stiffened.

“I do say so,” Kahlan retorted defensively.

“Okay,” Cara answered.

Kahlan huffed in irritation. Cara’s most recent habit had become to do all she could to annoy Kahlan and it never failed to work.

She clenched her jaw and mentally took back every positive thought she’d just had about the blonde and marched past her to go walk beside Richard.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

“Look, snow.”

Kahlan turned at the almost happy sound of Cara’s voice, only having a split second to see a hint of a smile before she realized that what had drawn such an unexpected reaction was most definitely not snow.

“It’s ash! she said in alarm. The group turned to see smoke filling the forest. They pushed through the smoke to discover the forest of the Night Wisps being torched by D’Haran soldiers. Fury swept through her. The Nightwisps weren’t just their last hope for finding the Stone of Tears, they weren’t just key to life, they were true innocents and they had all been slaughtered.

Cara heard the wild scream coming from Kahlan and she only had a small moment to appreciate the magnificence of the Mother Confessor in action. Not even the strongest and fiercest of her sisters could compare to Kahlan in strength, power and beauty as she tore through the soldiers like soft butter. The moment was gone, however, before she could dwell on it and she was finally able to release the frustration that had been building inside of her from the first time she and Kahlan had fought side by side and turn it toward the men who dared angered the Confessor.

It was over far quicker than either Kahlan or Cara had wanted. Kahlan looked around the charred remains of the forest, desperate for another soldier to kill so that she wouldn’t have to deal with the horror and the loss of what had just happened.

Finding out Darken Rahl was back and had managed to save the last Wisp who was pregnant gave her a flash of hope, even as his blackmailing them for the scroll stirred her anger, which wasn’t helped by Cara’s incessant sarcastic quips.

It was agreed that Rahl would accompany Richard while Kahlan and Cara would take Wisp to the birthing grounds. As she said goodbye to Richard, Cara’s impatient prodding made her smile even as it made her inexplicably uncomfortable. There was something in Cara’s expression that seemed...strange but Cara in general was strange so she ignored it and she and Cara set off to save the poor Wisp.

It wasn’t an easy journey. Wisp was lonely and sad as well as pregnant and that made her talkative. Kahlan didn’t mind. It broke her heart to know the little wisp had lost all of her companions and was suffering so. The least she could do was keep her company.

Cara of course didn’t understand and like everything else she didn’t understand it became a source of mockery, but Wisp kept talking to Kahlan. She explained sarcasm was Cara’s defense mechanism and to have patience and so she did. She often looked at Cara and with Wisps guidance, allowed herself to see the furrowed brow that wasn’t irritation, it was confusion as she tried to figure out what she was seeing and against her will Kahlan found it incredibly adorable. Not that she’d dare say such a thing out loud.

As it was, despite the urgency of their journey, Kahlan had almost enjoyed the alone time with the enigmatic Mord’Sith and despite the sarcasm and limited conversation, she was growing more comfortable with her presence.

Of course their task couldn’t have gone smoothly. While trying to distract an attacking gar, Kahlan had tripped and twisted her ankle and she knew that no matter what she did, she would not get the little Night Wisp to the birthing ground in time. But then, Cara surprised her once again.

Not only did Cara agree to take the Wisp without argument, she had actually understood the little being. It was well known that Nightwisps would only communicate with those they trusted and to learn they put such faith in Cara of all people, warmed Kahlan’s heart and she couldn’t hold back a smile when she saw the patience, gentleness and concern for the little being held carefully in her gloved hand, despite the air of annoyance she was trying to portray.

When Cara left for the birthing ground Kahlan was unable to keep her thoughts off of her. The woman was such a contradiction that sometimes it threatened Kahlan’s sanity trying to figure her out. The danger Cara presented was always there, not even bothering to lurk beneath the surface. She was moody on a good day and never looked more at peace than when she was beating someone with her agiels, but then there were moments where concern and compassion made a brief startling appearance and Kahlan admitted only to herself that it was that contradiction that made Cara Mason so seductive; far more so than her beauty or the body inside of the tight red leather. Kahlan couldn’t help but wonder which was the true Cara when she gave in to the needs that often drove the Sisters of the Agiel. Did Cara carry her fierceness into her intimate encounters? Or did she allow that curious, rarely expressed gentle side into those private moments?

Realizing how totally inappropriate her thoughts were becoming, Kahlan got to her feet, hissing at the pain in her ankle but grateful for the distraction. Suddenly a gloved hand appeared in front of her. She saw Cara looking down at her with a typical blank expression on her face, but that look no longer fooled Kahlan. There was something in her eyes that said more than any words could have. She took the hand and let Cara help her up the small embankment.

“Did you make it on time?” Kahlan asked hopefully. Cara nodded but the flicker of sadness in Cara’s eyes told her that the poor Nightwisp had died after giving birth and Kahlan felt the sadness at the loss of the sweet creature. Then it happened. Cara’s brows lifted and a look of what could only be wonder crossed her face and Kahlan’s breath caught at the incredible sight.

“I wish you could have been there,” Cara said sincerely. “It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Then she smiled, a broad honest smile full of such stunning innocence that tears sprung to Kahlan’s eyes and her heart fluttered with a wonderful sort of ache. Kahlan had never seen anything so heartwrenchingly beautiful in her life. In that split second everything changed and the last remnants of the walls she’d kept up against this woman crumbled. She suddenly felt a strong need to reach out to Cara, to touch that smile to see if it were real, to memorize it knowing it would be a long time before she saw it again, but before she could act or even speak, the smile was gone, replaced by a flash of sadness for the loss of Wisp and Cara walked away leaving Kahlan to follow, fighting an inexplicable urge to cry.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

  


  


  



	4. One Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kahlan accepts her hearts destiny but needs to know if Cara feels the same way.

Cara rarely admitted to enjoying anything aside from battle, however, alone with her own thoughts she couldn't deny that she much preferred the early morning when it was still pitch black and everything was quiet, particularly Richard and the wizard. She was free to keep watch with nobody prattling on about how well she behaved that particular day, or how she had failed again in one way or another. And she could keep watch without the always probing eyes of the Mother Confessor burning through her leathers.

Cara had almost grown accustomed to being watched by Kahlan. At first, she had been entertained by the hostile glares she’d been given. She was used to those type of stares and if she were honest, she liked them. It reminded the one staring of who she and it kept her connected to who she was, especially when the pain of what she’d learned in Stowecroft threatened to become too much. Gradually the looks began to change. They became curious as if Kahlan were trying to see into Cara’s soul, but that only amused Cara further because she knew there was nothing for her to see, so as before, she ignored them.

Then Cara made the mistake of dropping her guard the day that she had saved the Nightwisps, forgetting herself long enough to reveal her amazement at the beautiful site of a million little baby wisps filling the air. and the looks shifted again. Curious gave way to sympathetic and gentle and those were intolerable to Cara.

For days she’d endured those looks along with incessant attempts by Kahlan to talk about her experience and it was maddening. What made it worse is that she sometimes found herself _wanting_ to open up to Kahlan and that made her...itchy, so she channeled her aggravation into her fighting, almost grateful each time a soldier or thief or even the Dark Sisters attacked but even that backfired.

As Cara eagerly fought those stupid enough to challenge the Seeker, she found herself frequently distracted by Kahlan’s elegant movements as she fought beside of her, not to mention the flash of thigh she received each time Kahlan threw a kick at one of her attackers. She was truly magnificent and Cara had nearly lost her head a few times due to her distraction. She had always known that Kahlan had a fire beneath that gentle facade she wore so proudly. She’d seen it directed at her often enough, but watching Kahlan fight was something all together different. Cara thought it appeared as if she were actually seducing her prey before killing them and seeing the triumphant, glowing expression on her flushed face after battle had to be one of the most erotic things Cara had ever witnessed. She had soon discovered a hunger for the Confessor that far exceeded anything else she’d ever experienced. It was an almost constant ache which grew each time she looked at Kahlan and she didn’t like it at all. However that hunger was nothing compared to the looks Kahlan had started giving her over the last two weeks.

Cara wasn’t sure what had caused it or even when it had started but one night at the fire, Richard and Zedd were having a spirited debate over some trivial thing and Cara, who had been leaning casually against a log, one leg bent at the knee as she lovingly attended her agiels, looked up to find Kahlan watching her as usual but this time there was an expression in her eyes that Cara knew all too well. Kahlan Amnell wanted her and that realization sent a matching shock of desire through her. Kahlan immediately looked away believing Cara hadn't seen her and Cara let her, but she had felt the heat of those ice blue eyes on her constantly since then and it came close to making her crazy.

There were more times than she cared to think about where Cara nearly gave into that heat but she held back. She would never admit it even under the threat of torture, but if she gave Kahlan what she wanted, what they both wanted, the guilt of betraying Richard would destroy her and Cara could not bring herself to do that to a woman who had the heart of a warrior and one who had somehow forced herself under Cara’s skin, so she had followed Kahlan’s lead. She had pretended not to notice Kahlan’s wanting glances just as Kahlan pretended she hadn’t been looking at Cara when their eyes did meet and she tried harder than she had ever tried anything, not to notice the long beautiful leg exposed through the cursed slits in her dress any time Kahlan took a step. She failed miserably at it and each minute they traveled became a glorious sort of torture. When they made camp, Cara made sure she took first watch, needing the time alone to rid herself of the near painful desire that had built up during the day. Cara was not a woman that usually denied herself pleasure of any sort and doing so now was making her extremely agitated.

A sharp crack of a tree branch, broke into Cara’s thoughts and her hands went to her agiels, hoping for a fight to rid herself of the frustration boiling inside of her. Her heart clenched when she saw the subject of her thoughts standing in front of her.

“You should be asleep,” Cara stated roughly, refusing to acknowledge how beautiful Kahlan looked in the moonlight; blue eyes gleaming brightly and her dark hair looking so impossibly soft, Cara was nearly consumed with the urge to touch it.

“I can’t sleep,” Kahlan replied quietly, running her eyes over the woman who had completely invaded her every waking thought.

For the last several days Kahlan been aware Cara was avoiding her and initially she’d been grateful for it. She had only just begun to accept that she had developed feelings for Cara. Strong feelings that had her looking at the blonde in a way that often left her burning with something she refused to name. She was also confused and not a little guilty because she was supposed to have these feelings for Richard and she had been forced to acknowledge that she didn’t. She hadn’t felt that way about Richard for some time and she knew she couldn’t continue to let him think she did, but she just couldn’t stop thinking about Cara long enough to figure out how.

Once Cara had started avoiding her it had finally allowed Kahlan the space to clear her head enough to talk to Richard and tell him the truth about where her heart lay. It hadn’t been easy but it had to be done and while he was hurt, he told her he had suspected that her feelings for Cara had changed and grown into something beyond friendship even if he was worried that she had given her heart to a woman who most likely didn’t want it. Kahlan sadly agreed but Richard just kissed her cheek and told her that if he wasn’t the one to make her happy, he could think of nobody else he trusted more than Cara to love her as she deserved, but she definitely had her work cut out for her.

Kahlan had wept in Richard’s arms for a long while as he assured her he would always be her friend. When they parted she had felt as if a weight had been lifted from her. She was free and she needed to find out once and for all if Cara had felt the pull between them. Tonight she finally had her opportunity. When Cara had predictably headed off to the woods alone, Kahlan had waited for Richard and Zedd to fall asleep and then followed her.

She had easily found Cara standing in a small clearing, her back to Kahlan and clearly so lost in her thoughts she didn’t even notice Kahlan’s approach so Kahlan took a moment to study her. Yes, Cara Mason was an impossibly beautiful woman with a body to match and the tight red leathers she wore so proudly only served to enhance every line and curve to perfection, but Kahlan had seen many women just as beautiful and had never felt even a flicker of attraction. No, it wasn’t Cara’s physical perfection that had her heart pounding each time she was near the frustrating woman. It was everything about her. It was the perpetual irritability and impatience that easily gave way to reluctant surrender whenever Kahlan asked something of her. It was the way she so often risked her life for Kahlan even though her only duty was to Richard and the gentle way she cared for her while she healed, despite the air of being inconvenienced she presented. Kahlan was even drawn to Cara’s infuriating arrogance because she alone had been allowed to see the vulnerability it hid. And it was her eyes. Those big beautiful eyes that often betrayed the emotions she tried so hard to pretend she didn’t have and a smile that could melt the hardest steel.

As if being pulled by magic, Kahlan could no longer stay silent and she stepped forward, unwittingly breaking a branch, drawing Cara’s attention.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” Cara asked, an expression on her face that Kahlan couldn’t decipher.

“I couldn’t sleep.” Kahlan’s heart was racing, but it wasn’t with fear. It was anticipation. She was not a woman who second guessed herself. As Mother Confessor she couldn’t afford to be that woman. She stepped closer to Cara and saw her swallow almost nervously and that was all she needed.

Cara saw the intent in Kahlan’s eyes and the desire that swept through her had her trembling.

“Is that so?” she asked softly. “I assume, since you sought me out, that I have something to do with that?”

Kahlan shivered at the throaty sound of Cara’s voice but still managed a smile. “Not only beautiful, but smart too.”’

“Kahlan, what are you doing?” Cara asked tightly.

“What I’ve been wanting to do for weeks now,” Kahlan replied, stepping even closer. It sometimes surprised her to remember that Cara was actually a few inches shorter than her. Cara was such a fierce, imposing woman she seemed to tower over everyone. She placed a hand on Cara’s cheek, thrilling at the softness of her skin. She leaned forward, smirking at the hitch in Cara’s breath. Knowing she had that effect on the moody Mord’Sith was extremely exciting.

“Kahlan, we can’t.”

Kahlan heard the disappointment in Cara’s voice and her smile grew. “If you’re worried about Richard, don’t be. We talked a few days ago and I told him that my heart was no longer his.”

Cara’s breath caught in her throat. “What?”

Kahlan felt her face heat and she found herself suddenly nervous. What if she had been wrong? “I...” she laughed nervously. “Maybe this was a mistake.”

Cara was suddenly afraid. She knew that if Kahlan ran now, they would never get this chance back. She reached out and took Kahlan’s arm, stopping her before she could walk away.

“Please don’t go,” she whispered.

Kahlan’s heart flipped as once again, Cara’s eyes, pierced her heart. “Cara, I don’t know how it happened or if you even wanted it, but you pushed your way into my heart. I care for you, more than I thought possible.”

“Really?”

“Creator, those eyes will be the death of me,” Kahlan whispered brokenly, captivated by the look of hopeful joy she saw. She cupped Cara’s face in her hands. “Really,” she answered and then lowered her head, pressing her lips to Cara’s and her knees nearly collapsed to discover they truly were as soft as they appeared.

Cara knew sex. She knew desire and passion and how to use them, but the feel of Kahlan’s lips against hers was none of those things, yet it was all of them and Cara needed more. She lifted her own hands and slid them into the dark curls, wishing she had thought to remove her gloves.

  
“Cara,” Kahlan whispered, savoring Cara’s sweet breaths against her lips. “Is this something you want?”

Several replies crossed her mind, but for once had no desire to be sarcastic or indifferent. She stroked Kahlan’s face. “Yes. More than I have ever wanted anything in my life,” she said seriously. “You are all that I want.” Then it was her turn to capture Kahlan’s lips and this time she held nothing back. She offered Kahlan fire and Kahlan accepted it.

Kahlan nearly collapsed as Cara’s lips possessed hers with the same sensual intensity that she did everything. Those beautiful full lips managed to caress as well as consume her own as she deepened the kiss. Kahlan couldn’t hold back a whimper as a warm silky tongue slid against hers, sending a jolt far more powerful than an agiel and far more pleasurable.

Cara was lost. Kahlan’s kisses were like nothing she’d ever experienced and she knew that now that she’d had a taste, she would never have enough. Suddenly Kahlan’s lips were gone and she growled in protest which quickly faded at the soft laugh in her ear. She opened her mouth to express her displeasure at being laughed at, but then Kahlan’s hot mouth was at her throat.

“Creator!” Cara hissed as Kahlan nipped at her throat before soothing it with her tongue.

“I’ve never wanted anyone or anything the way I want you,” Kahlan whispered as she licked a trail up Cara’s neck.

“I’m yours Kahlan,” Cara replied sincerely. “I always have been.” And then Kahlan’s lips were once more on hers, telling Cara that Kahlan was hers as well.

**ONE KISS-EPILOGUE**

**ONE YEAR LATER**

Kahlan entered her private chambers, relieved that the long day had finally ended. At least she didn’t have to confess anyone. It wasn’t that she disliked her magic or her responsibilities. In fact, she embraced them but now, almost every time she put her hand on someone’s throat she saw a flash of Cara the day she nearly confessed her and the single tear that pushed its way through the ice around Kahlan’s heart. With each confession she was reminded of how close she’d come to letting her own feelings override justice and ending the life of the most complicated and loyal person she’d ever met and she used that memory to make sure she never again lost the purpose of what she did.

Closing and locking the door behind her, Kahlan entered her rooms and walked straight to the large balcony. She smiled as she spied the familiar sight of Cara standing stiffly in the fading light of early evening, looking out at the city as if daring it to irritate her.

She stepped up close to Cara but didn’t touch her, finding it odd that she hadn’t noticed her enter. Cara could hear a fly buzzing in the hallway.

“Is there any particular reason you’re staring at me?” Cara finally spoke, repeating one of the first questions she’d ever asked Kahlan.

Kahlan’s smile widened as she finally slid her arms around the shorter blonde and rested her chin on the leather clad shoulder.

“Because you’re letting me,” she whispered into Cara’s ear before kissing her cheek.

Cara turned in Kahlan’s arms and her face lit up in a rare smile. The smile that had first touched Kahlan’s heart.

Kahlan placed her hand on Cara’s cheek, thumb trailing over the smiling lips, the way she had wanted to so long ago. “Oh Cara,” she said softly, shaking her head.

“What?” Cara asked, suddenly afraid Kahlan was about to send her packing.

Kahlan just smiled. “You pride yourself on your fierceness, your strength and your grouchiness…”

“I’m not grouchy,” Cara interrupted irritably.

Kahlan placed her fingers over Cara’s lips. “You are,” she said with a smile, "but there’s one thing you’ve never understood. While you are indeed a formidable warrior, this,” she stroked the soft full lips, shivering as Cara’s warm tongue flicked out playfully against her thumb. “This is your biggest weapon. You can break me with just a smile,” she said honestly.

“I would never want to break a spirit such as yours,” Cara protested.

“I know,” Kahlan replied soothingly. “I just...I would never ask you to change who you are. In fact, most of the time I find your crankiness rather attractive” Kahlan paused as she fought a laugh. Poor Cara looked as if she was struggling between being offended and making a suggestive comment about her attractiveness. “But those moments you let your guard down for me,” she continued with the soft look she knew would ease Cara’s irritation, “you have no idea how much that means to me. And your smile…your beautiful smile over something as simple as the birth of a Nightwisp, that was what opened my heart enough to begin to let you in.”

Cara wanted to brush off the disturbing conversation. She was not, nor would she ever be comfortable discussing emotions, but looking into the blue eyes that pierced her heart in a way nobody or nothing ever had, she would do so. To an extent.

“Only for you, Kahlan. You are the only one who can draw a smile from me and you are the only one I will ever trust to see it.”

Tears sprung to Kahlan’s eyes knowing that no declaration of undying love or books of poetry would ever mean as much.

“I shudder when I think of how close I came to killing you,” Kahlan whispered, her hand dropping to caress Cara’s throat.

“I deserved it,” Cara said simply, swallowing at the feel of Kahlan’s long fingers stroking her skin.

“No you didn’t and you yourself convinced me of that more than any testimony I heard at your trial.”

And once again the adorably confused frown made an appearance.

“How? I told you to confess me.”

Kahlan closed her eyes as the pain of that moment washed over her. “I heard you but Cara, but it wasn’t your words that moved me. It was a single tear that destroyed my blind hatred. You opened yourself to me in that moment and I got a glimpse of that heart you’re so protective of.”

“Yet you continued to insult me for weeks,” Cara argued, choosing not to remember the things Kahlan had thrown at her regarding her father.

Kahlan looked away with shame. “I know and I regret that more than you will ever know. I just… I felt myself…” she paused, uncertain of what she wanted to say but knowing nothing could justify her cruelty.

“You felt that to not insult me would be a betrayal of your sister,” Cara said simply and Kahlan looked up at eyes that weren’t angry, merely curious.

“Yes.”

“I can understand that,” Cara stated honestly.

Kahlan stared at the beautiful, complicated blonde in utter wonder. “I wonder if I will ever understand you,” she said with a gentle smile.

“I hope not,” Cara muttered uncomfortably.

Kahlan laughed. “Don’t worry my little Mord’Sith, you will forever be a deadly mystery to the rest of the world.

Cara didn’t know how to respond to that. Her instinct was to offer a sarcastic retort and leave it that but, something about Kahlan had her lowering her guard and happy to do so. Feeling out of her element, she chose the Mord’Sith way and picked action over words and wrapped her arms around the Mother Confessor and kissed her with all the warmth, love and gratitude she was unable to express.

Kahlan’s knees nearly gave out as Cara’s lips moved over hers, grateful she’d learned a while ago that Cara’s contradictions continued even in passion as the woman somehow managed to blend fierce and tender into every kiss and every touch and Kahlan simply couldn't get enough.

Finally, Cara pulled away, breathless. “I suppose this means that if I ever wish you to obey me, I just need to smile at you?”

Kahlan laughed, stroking a thumb over those full tempting lips. “You can always try it and find out,” she teased, knowing that one full, heartfelt smile from Cara would have Kahlan willing to do anything, just to see it again.

“I love you Kahlan,” Cara blurted and the earnestness in those eyes had tears springing to Kahlan’s.

“Oh Cara, I love you too. With all my heart,” and knowing Cara would quickly become uncomfortable with the serious emotions, Kahlan kissed her and let her hands and her lips continue to show the unsure woman just how very much she was loved.

 

**THE END**


End file.
